I saw Him rise and He does exist,
came and saved a sinning atheist.
Showed me light when I saw none,
paved the way for the path I'm on.
Now I know what's required of me,
the Lord has come and set me free.
With pen in hand I write this line,
and watch the stars as they realign,
Others laugh and call me names,
they'll soon perish in His flames!
None of them would take a look,
as I opened up the ancient Book!
I pray and plead to join the throng,
worshipers that know Your song!
Come take me to the distant place,
insane in the arms of mad embrace!
Oh Great Lord Cthulhu!
"And watch the stars as they realign"
The "as they realign" adds a certain disruption in the flow of the work. In my opinion, "And watch the stars realign" would sound better and will be read slightly slow rather then speeded up to match the rhythm.
"as I opened up a famous book"
That seems quite out of place in the writing. It is kind of childish... the"famous" part to be specific. An "ancient" book or something of thesort would sound better. Over all a good read and lol... you seem to be quite the cthulu fan
"I watch the stars as they realign" is a reference to the rising up of Cthulhu when the stars are right, so it would be difficult to put it any other way. It's a reference from the Lovecraft's work.
"as I opened up the famous book". This is a reference to Lovecraft's neronomicon; a fictional book, that actually doesn't exist. I was initially going to use the word "holy" but thought that some might deem it offensive, considering the whole poem is a double entendre, gently lampooning religion. I'm not anti-religion, I just don't happen to be religious myself.
I like the "ancient" suggest very much, and will adjust the poem accordingly! Thanks
Ah... I never knew that Cthulhu also follows the aligning of the stars.
Ah... well you have quite the references in this work and being a not yet a fan of Lovecraft, I am unable to relate
You are welcome
Lovecraft is good and bad. If I were to recommend one of his books, it'd have to be At The Mountains of Madness because it's one of the very few where Lovecraft's racism doesn't rear its ugly head.